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What is wrong with me?

December 12, 2008

Today is December 12th and I have absolutely NO ambition for Christmas.  NONE, ZILCH!  I just, yes that is right, JUST started shopping yesterday.  Usually by now..I’m done.  I’m not feeling it this year.  Also, I do not have 1 single decoration up.  Again usually the day after thanksgiving my house it HOLLY JOLLY!  THis year…it’s nothing.  I do not have it in me.  I’m so not feeling it.  I’m usually excited, eager, and very happy this time of year…hmm but again this year NOTHING.  WTF is my problem?  Am I the only one?  I have NEVER had a year go by where I wasn’t feeling the christmas spirit.  This year it is making up for all of my 32 years of feeling it.  It sucks and I don’t know how to pull myself out of this….

WTF??

December 4, 2008

It is 3am!!! LUCKY ME…I’ve been wide awake since 2:30…going on day 3….Oh I know you are all Jealous and so wish you were me right now..DOn’t ya??

My Insomnia continues…

December 1, 2008

It’s been a LONG time since I’ve posted.  Since the last post…I got the results of my sleep study.  Two weeks ago, I’m sitting in my office at work and I received a phone call.  It was some guy from a Home Health Care Service.  Now mind you, at this point I hadn’t heard anything from my doctors office regarding the results of my test.  The guy wanted to know what my physical address was because he had a script for me.  I had no clue who he was or what the script was for.  I asked him to clarify, and that he did.  Seriously, this is when the freakout begins.  He told me I had a script for Oxygen and I needed it immediately.  THis is basically all the information he had for me, told me to call my doctor for more info.  So of course, I set up a time for them to deliver the oxygen and called my doctor immediately.  I was told that I had severe hypoxia.  This is basically when my oxygen level in my body drops significantly when I sleep.  The normal range is anywhere between 90-100, and my level was dropping to 50.  I was told to use the oxygen starting immediately.  So of course I spent the rest of the afternoon (yes I was at work) in total freakout mode, searching online for what the hell hypoxia was.  What I was reading was NOT GOOD.  Basically, everything I read, saiid I should be dead or close too it.  Although there are days when I’m so tired, I feel dead and lifeless, I was far from it.  SO whatever, I got the oxygen, and started using it immediately. 

Fast forward a week later.  I have an awaited follow up doctors appointment with the pulminologist.  I have a page full of questions.  Plus a week later using the oxygen, I also have a RAW NOSE.  It HURT so bad!  So I wait over a friggin hour to see the doc.  When he shows up I immediately start asking questions.  He basically tells me to hold up, and clarifies the results.  He doesn’t believe I have hypoxia, as it was a very short period of time when my oxygen level dropped.  He thinks it was a result of the monitor they put on your finger either coming off or not sitting properly on my finger.  Which makes COMPLETE SENSE because the lady at the sleep clinic had to come in at one point and tape the thing on.  SO he told me I could stop using the oxygen, but to not get rid of it yet.  He is going to set up a home test just to rule it out.  So what he thinks my problem is….preoptic leg movements, which is a form of Restless Leg Syndrome.  He said for every hour I “slept”, I woke up 29 times as a result of my legs twitching.  He said if it didn’t wake me up it wouldn’t be a problem.  But they are waking me up.  What is happening is when I’m just getting into the deep sleep, my legs twitch and wake me up, which then causes me to start the sleep process all over again.  Totally makes sense as when I do wake up, I feel like crap and feel like I haven’t slept at all.  So he gave me some prescription to help.

Fast forward to this morning….as you can see it’s 3:54AM!! I went to bed around 11:30pm last night…at 2:45AM, I’m friggin WIDE AWAKE!! DEAR GOD!  The covers on my bed, well are COMPLETELY off my bed.  I look like I had a severe fight with them.  I attempted to go back to sleep but it really was not happening.  I got up around 3am and came out to the couch.  Again, laid there for about 20 minutes, then got so pissed I got up.  I put my coffee on and turned the tv on as well as started up my computer.  I’m exhausted!! But I can’t sleep, no matter what I do I CAN NOT SLEEP!! Dear god it’s going to be a long ass DAY!!

The weekend….

November 10, 2008

About a month ago, I sent my brother a text message asking if I could take the girls to the movies this weekend.  The new Madagascar II movie came out this weekend and I knew they would absolutely love it.  Plus I have never taken them to the movies.  He told me (mind you a MONTH ago) he would “ask” his wife to make sure it was ok.  Weekly I kept sending him reminders, in which he kept replying oh yeah I keep forgetting to ask.  I even called last Tuesday and he said he would ask and get back to me.  Not having heard a word from him…I assumed I was not “allowed” to take them.  I was planning on driving down to their house early Saturday morning…and taking the girls to the matinee (sp??) , then spending some time there and driving back later that night.  They live 1 hour 1/2 from me.  But I was willing to drive, because this is something I really wanted to share with my girls.  Saturday around 12pm, I get this text message from my brother, “Hey, I know you wanted to take the kids to the movie, but I guess we are going with the triplets, A and so on…it’s my fault for not having asked sooner”  I was pissed to say the least and really I guess my hurt than anything.  This isn’t like something I asked him about last minute….I’ve been planning on this for a month.  I just wrote back to him, “whatever”.   So yes I was extremely let down.

BUT, I did make a new purchase this weekend!  Click Here to find out what it is!  OMG, I absolutely LOVE IT!! It’s so much quicker than my old one!  I’ve been trying to transfer all my stuff from my old computer to my new one all weekend!  It’s amazing how much quicker this laptop is!!  Plus, it is bigger, and has so many more programs on it!!  I’ve been missing out in life!! LOL, jk!  Anyway, hope you all had a fabulous weekend!!

DOn’t Do IT!!

November 4, 2008

That would be a sleep study!  If you can avoid it…DON”T DO IT!! They SUCK! 

I had to report to the sleep lab last night at 8pm.  I get there and then they proceed to hook me up to all kinds of wires.  They put tons of shit (paste) in my hair..which by the way was nice and clean when  I got there….  I had wires on my legs, in my hair, on my chest..behind my ears..and all over my friggin face, chin, you name it I had wires.  I looked like a friggin robot!  This whole process took almost an hour!  After all this is done, the lady tells me, I need to go hook up the other patient I’ll be right back.  Now mind you, I’m in shorts and a tee-shirt (because that what I was told I needed to wear!)  and it was like 50 degrees in the room.  I was FREEZING! I’m talking goose bumps and all.   Then, THEN the lady says oh the back of your neck is warm..we can’t have that..and put the fan on HIGH and faces it towards me.  OMG! Are you kidding me.  The reason my neck was warm was because of my hair..as it was apparent I was not the least bit hot with the goose bumps on my arms, legs and the fact I was SHAKING! Apparently she didn’t care.  So I sat in the most uncomfortable chair of my life, can’t move due to the wires, watching tv, praying this lady would return in a hurry.  It was nearly 10:30pm before she returned!  I was an ice cube!  She then puts me in bed, and hooks me up to all machines.  Then tells me, DOn’t move!  If you need to turn, you need to call me, if you need to get up, you need to call me, if you have an itch…ok so you get the point.  OMG..are you friggin kidding me! She then pulls the covers up but only to my waste.  Tells me I can’t have any covers up past my waste.  Now remember it was FREEZING in the room, well now she moves the fan closer and puts it on HIGH and shoots it directly on me!! She shuts the lights off and leaves. 

Now it’s dark in the room, and Im praying myself to sleep..hmm yeah it’s not happening..I”M FREEZING plus I can’t move, doesn’t make for a good combination!  Well apparently, at some point, I doze off, and when I do, I pulled the covers up over my face…next thing I know, this lady is barging in my room, flips the lights on, and says oh honey you can’t do that.  She fixes me up, and tells me..now try not to move!  I laugh and say yeah right, I’ll try!  She turns everything off and leaves.  A little while later, I call to her and tell her I would like to move to my side, she once again, barges in, flips the light on and helps me.  Turns the lights off, shuts the door and leaves.  Some time passes, and once again she barges back in.  Now at this point, I’m truly annoyed, and the sight of her face isn’t making me happy.  She says I told you you can’t sleep like that..your not at home and you can’t sleep the same way you do at home.  This time I managed to pull the harness thingy off my head …DEAR GOD! Just leave me alone..I JUST WANT TO SLEEP!!! She proceeds to GLUE the damn thing back into place..I swear she used half the bottle of paste… I’m sure you get the picture and yeah this went on all friggin night!  It was by no means restful.  Damnit they better find something wrong with me …cuz I REFUSE to do this again!! 6am she flips the lights on and over the speaker in my room, says GOOD MORNING, I’ll be in a minute…

So needless to say, I DID NOT go to work today.  I’m home, praying to catch up on some sleep.  I will NEVER, I repeat, NEVER do this EVER AGAIN!!  and my ASSVICE (Kellie word) to you is DON”T DO IT!!  IT absolutely SUCKS!

Happy Halloween!!

October 30, 2008

Happy Halloween
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Freaks
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Like a whole new person, KINDA

October 23, 2008

So I’m saying this in hopes I do not jinks myself.  I think my sleeping issues have somewhat been solved.  When I went to the pulmonologist (sp??) last week, of course like every other doctor, I had to go through the list of medications I was taking.  He asked me when I was taking my “happy pills”.  He then told me, he thinks that may be the issue.  I was told when I was first prescribed them to take them at night, because it should make me drowsy.  I honestly can say being drowsy from these meds were NEVER an issue.  The Doc, told me to stop immediately and start taking them in the morning.  That was 1 week ago from tomorrow.  By golly, I think he solved my issue.  The past couple of nights, I still am having issues falling asleep, but once I’m asleep, I seem to be getting more restful sleep.  YEAH!  I’m waking up, somewhat refreshed, not extremely tired like a week ago, and the past two days, not only have I been more awake during the day, HOLY CRAP – I feel like a whole new person.  I have ENERGY, and I’ve been so friggin HAPPY!  Like almost in a giddy/annoying way.  Weird.  I’m not complaining because let me tell you, it sure as hell beats, the run down…exhausted…person I have been.  Now really, I don’t know if it is the switching of the time I take the pills or just a mind thing, but really whatever it is…I’LL TAKE IT!! 

Last week was EXTREMELY busy.  I was on the road pretty much all week for work.  BUT I had fun.  But the down part, I think I totally jinked myself or just wore myself too thin by stressing myself out and Friday-SUnday, I literally spent in bed, well ok on the couch.  I felt like complete crap!!  I had the head congestion, the nasally/sratchy throat, ears plugged to the point I thought I was underwater…I couldn’t hear.  I am finally feeling much better.  I’ve been taking every kind of cold/chest congestion medication I can find.  Personally, I’m an absolute WIMP when it comes to being sick.  I hardly am ever sick or not feeling well (although this past year has been a horrible/out of the ordinary year with all my medical, sickness issues) but when I am, I don’t want to do anything.  I don’t believe I “milk” it, but I literally want to do nothing when I’m not feeling well.

This week has been nuts as well.  I can’t believe it is Thursday already.  I’ve been teaching a living environment class.  Honestly, in high school, I absolutely LOVED living environment.  But teaching it 15 years later…dear god help me.  I’m finally getting the curriculm down and progress is being made.  The problem has been that I’ve been here/there and everywhere but at school lately..so it’s hard to keep the kids on track.  I’m hoping I’m staying put for a while. 

I honestly can’t believe it is almost November..where the hell did the time GO???

Wish me Luck….

October 13, 2008

So tomorrow I have to go to court.  Remember the incident with the guy at work?  Well now he’s pressing charges against my boss and I.  Fun! Fun!  I really do not want to see him at all.  I’m nervous, really nervous, I have no idea what to expect.  I know we (meaning my boss and I) did absolutely NOTHING wrong, so that part I’m ok with.  It’s the unknown.  It’s the question of do I have to testify? Will I have to take the stand?  Will I be questioned?  I have NO CLUE! 

The exciting part, it after that is all said and done, I’m going to visit this awesome blogger and her daughter.  I’m excited.  It’s been quite a while since I’ve hung out with them.  Plus I’m spending the night..so It should be TONS of fun!! 

Well I’m off to read over all my crap for tomorrow…WISH ME LUCK!  I’ll keep you all informed!

This is getting so OLD!

October 8, 2008

I’ve been MIA the past couple weeks simply because I’m way too tired to write, think, or move for that matter.  I have a problem, I Can’t SLEEP and I don’t know why.  I think I’m slowly developing insomnia. Really, I do not know what the hell is wrong with me.  It’s a vicious cycle, and I so need it to end NOW!  I’m absolutely EXHAUSTED.  I wake up, I’m so tired, I can barely pull myself out of bed.  I think I’ve made it to work on time maybe 2, 3 days tops.  I’m dragging all damn day! I hate it!  I come home from work, and seriously some days, I have all I can do to drive home.  When I get home, I basically feel like I’m crawling to the couch to crash!  I take an hour nap, wake up, do work, maybe watch some tv, then head to bed.  Sleeping pills have become my friend, however THEY DON”T WORK!  I’ve been put on prescription sleeping pills, but seriously…I think my body is immune to them.  I toss and turn for a couple of hours, then when I do fall asleep, I’m restless.  I do not sleep soundly.  I wake up and look like I have had a fight with my bed.  Everything, every morning is on the floor (ie. my comforter, sheets, blankets, pillows) you name it, I’ve kicked or thrown it off the bed.  Last friday I had a doctor’s appointment, he recommended I go for a sleep study.  I dont know how long it will take to get me in.  I have an appointment with a pulminologist (SP?) next week.  I seriously can’t take this much more.  I’m so physically/emotionally drained and exhausted!  All I want to do is sleep, but I CAN”T!

Last night, I had a physical therapy appointment and a shrink appointment, it was a rough one.  No I don’t want to talk about it.  But lets just say I came home and my eyes were burning and swollen.  Again, I was so exhausted, I went to bed around 10pm.  I figured I didn’t need to take a pill to sleep because I was so tired. I get in bed, and my knee is absolutely throbbing/aching/and it is totally keeping me up.  I decided to forego the prescription pills, and take some tylenol pm.  Honestly, that did shit for me.  At 2:30 in the morning, I gave up the fight.  I came out to the couch, and got a little rest on and off.  4:30am wide awake!   All I want is to sleep soundly for 1 night!  I don’t think it is too much to ask.

It’s going to be a LONG DAY!

September 22, 2008

This weekend flew by.  Friday morning, I was up bright and early at 4:30am, and on the road heading to my home town by 6:30am.  One of my best friends got married on Saturday and I was in her wedding.  Some of the girls were meeting for breakfast at 9am on Friday, and of course I didn’t want to miss out.  So three TIRED hours in the car and I made it there by 9:15am, not bad.  We are breakfast, then went and got out nails done.  A lot of running around was done on friday, it was an extremely busy day.  Saturday was the wedding which was a lot of fun.  I’m not going into many details as I will save them for another post.  On Sunday, once again, up bright and early to be to my brothers by 12pm.  They had asked me to watch my nieces on Sunday as they too had a wedding to attend.  Of course, since I’m NEVER asked to watch them, I jumped at the opportunity.  My brother lives about 3 hours from my hometown, so it was another three LONG tired (not quite hungover but close) drive.  They got home from the wedding at 12:30am.  I sat and chatted a bit then, was on the road by 1am to drive home to my house.  I arrived at 2:30am, safe and sound.  but let me tell you…it was a LONG ASS Drive!  I had my brother pick me up coffee on their way home so I had something to keep me awake while driving.  I have been known to get extremely sleepy at the wheel, yes I have actually fallen asleep..it is very scary.  I got home, unpacked, made coffee for morning, brushed my teeth and was in bed by 3am.  With my alarms set for 5am, because yes I do have to work today, I prayed that I would fall asleep quick.  Hmm yeah that so did not happen.  At 4am, I was still tossing and turning and still WIDE awake.  I finally said screw it and came out on the couch, hoping I could sleep there.  Yes I dosed a little, but I didn’t really sleep.  It is now 5:55am, and I now have to get ready for work.  Dear GOD, I traveled about 500 miles this weekend, and I’m working on MAYBE 8 hours of sleep in 48 hours.  So yes I’m tired, yes today I will be dragging.  Please let me get through the day without my eyes slamming and my head bouncing on the desk!